I’ll never forget hearing the words, “you have cancer.”
For someone who has never had a cancer diagnosis, it is impossible to understand the significant impact this has on a person’s emotions and mental health.
A cancer diagnosis can bring up so many emotions, some of which you aren’t used to dealing with. Not only that, but it can make these emotions feel more intense. Each day may feel like a roller coaster of ups and downs.
You will undoubtedly begin to go through all the stages of grief and loss after a cancer diagnosis, because it is a major loss. The stages are – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance.
A cancer diagnosis can also lead to a significant shift in how you view yourself, causing confusion over your identity. It can also cause changes in your relationships with family and friends as you go through these stages and as they try to figure out the new normal and how to cope with it as well.
Many women diagnosed with uterine cancer (myself included) already had mental illnesses, like depression or anxiety. A cancer diagnosis can compound the symptoms.
Please know these feelings, identity shifts and emotions are all normal and you do not have to pretend you don’t have them or suffer in silence!
In this post, I will be discussing just how significantly cancer can impact a person’s mental well-being. Stay to the end where I will discuss healthy ways to manage all these mental health challenges and share a really helpful healing exercise.
HERE ARE FOUR WAYS CANCER IMPACTS MENTAL HEALTH
ANXIETY
Approximately 30-40% of cancer patients experience significant anxiety. I would say this number is actually higher, but we try to be brave and hide it behind a facade of strength and courage.
CAUSES
- Fear of death
- Fear of recurrence
- Uncertainty about the future
- Fear of the treatments and side effects
- A loss of control over your circumstances
- Scare tactics used by doctors to pressure you into treatments
- Anxiety over how to handle the financial burden that often comes with a cancer diagnosis
SYMPTOMS
- Restlessness
- Insomnia
- Irritability
- Difficulty concentrating
- Persistent worry and fear affecting daily activities
- Racing thoughts
DEPRESSION
Approximately 15-25% of cancer patients experience major depression. Many more experience an ongoing sense of sadness and grief they can’t shake.
CAUSES
- Grieving the loss of your life as you knew it
- Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
- What’s the use thinking
- Mourning the loss of your health and/or identity
- Sadness over possibly dying and leaving loved ones behind
- Dealing with side effects of treatments and cancer, like fatigue and pain
- Loss of or strains on relationship with friends and family members
SYMPTOMS
- Sadness
- Crying often
- Feelings of anxiety and dread
- Apathy
- Loss of interest in your usual activities
- Sleeping a lot
- Zoning out in front of the TV or computer
- Overeating or under-eating
- Working long hours, taking on too many responsibilities, unable to say “no”
- Feeling sorry for oneself a lot
- Thoughts of suicide
PTSD (POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER)
A cancer diagnosis can be a traumatic event. Approximately 10-20% of cancer patients experience PTSD after a cancer diagnosis.
PTSD is a specific group of symptoms that affect survivors of traumatic events. I know because I personally experienced this prior to my diagnosis and then again after my diagnosis. These traumatic events often involve the threat of death or serious injury to oneself or others.
RISK FACTORS
- An advanced cancer diagnosis
- Aggressive treatments or a poor prognosis
- Previous trauma or mental health issues
- Lack of support from family and friends
- Uncaring, unsympathetic doctors who use scare tactics
SYMPTOMS
- Intrusive thoughts, memories or flashbacks related to the trauma
- For instance, the prognosis, treatments, blood tests, scans and hospital visits can lead to these intrusive thoughts
- Avoidance or steering clear of reminders or discussions about cancer or health
- Often a denial to prevent the unwanted feelings of trauma
- Hyperarousal, such as increased anxiety, irritability and difficulty sleeping
- Always feeling on edge
- Easily angered
Did you know that trauma is stored in the body and can manifest as physical problems later, like cancer?
STRAIN ON RELATIONSHIPS
A cancer diagnosis can lead to a profound change in how individuals view themselves and their lives, often causing an identity crisis. They may grapple with changes in their body image, looks, health status and roles in their families or workplaces.
CAUSES
- Feeling isolated or misunderstood
- Unmet expectations leading to anger, irritability and resentment
- Feeling like a burden on family and friends
- Confusion about your new identity
- Physical limitations due to the cancer, treatments and side effects
- Self-consciousness about changes to your body like hair loss
- Feeling like you have to be strong and protect your loved ones
- Secret feelings of jealousy or resentment towards others, wondering how you got cancer and they didn’t
- Those closest to you not knowing how to deal with their feelings and avoiding talking about it. You become the elephant in the room
- Feelings of guilt and shame or that you are a problem
SYMPTOMS
- Creating emotional distance between self and loved ones
- Struggle to express needs and feelings or ask for help
- Reduced social engagement and isolating oneself
- Avoiding intimacy with partner
- Arguments or angry outbursts towards family and friends
- Hiding your true feelings
- Saying you’re sorry for things that you don’t need to be sorry for
COPING MECHANISMS
I want to say again that all of these intense feelings and emotions and ups and downs are completely normal.
Please know that you do not have to be strong and positive and keep up a smiling face all the time and pretend to be fine! It is ok to really feel what you feel and talk about it. You will have good days and bad days.
There are many ways cancer patients try to cope with all these intense emotions and feelings, some that are healthy and many that are unhealthy.
Which ways you choose to cope can have a significant impact, not only on your quality of life, but also your outcome.
UNHEALTHY
- Drugs, alcohol or substance abuse
- Social isolation
- Going into denial
- Unwilling to engage with the treatment protocols recommended or take any action towards getting well
- Pretending to be fine, not talking about it, hiding your feelings
- Overeating or under-eating or eating junky, processed, sugary foods, snacks and sodas
- Smoking or vaping
- Watching TV or sitting on the computer all day to “zone out”
- Not getting any exercise or exercising too much
- Sleeping all day
- Shopping and excess spending to try to feel better
- Working long hours or taking on more responsibilities, unable to say “no”
HEALTHY
- Talking about your feelings and sharing your story with loved ones and friends
- Seeking out help from a therapist
- Avoiding drugs, alcohol and smoking
- Taking daily walks or getting other moderate forms of exercise
- Getting outside in nature and fresh air as much as possible
- Mindfulness practices and daily meditation
- Joining support groups
- Prayer
- Writing down a gratitude list every day
- Journaling (brain dumps, scribble art, coloring books)
- Taking care of your body with massages, acupuncture, healthy foods, epsom salt baths, rest
- Working on hobbies like craft projects, scrapbooking, knitting and more can be very soothing and take your mind off your worries for a while
- Discussing your treatment protocols with your oncologist and figuring out a plan you are comfortable with and how to manage the side effects in healthy ways
- Being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up for having intense negative emotions like anger, irritability, sadness, anxiety, resentment, self-pity and more. This is all normal and OK!
- Caring for a pet. This one was huge for me.
- Being your own advocate and taking charge of your health and your treatment plan
- Making lifestyle changes to increase your chances, which gives you a sense of control over your life again
- Asking for help when you need it
- Taking time off from work and learning to say “no” to lighten your load
- Supporting others facing the same challenges and offering care and understanding
There are so many more ways of coping in healthy ways, but these are just some of them.
PRO TIPS TO GET BACK ON TRACK AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK WEARS OFF
FIND A REASON TO LIVE – It is first and foremost necessary to have a reason to live! So many people when diagnosed with cancer just give up thinking they are a victim of genetics or bad luck and there is no hope. This is absolutely not true! There is always hope and you are not a victim. Find your reason(s) to live and keep that in the front of your mind to motivate you when things get tough.
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE – Start to take charge of your life and your health and be proactive about your treatments. Some examples include: improving your diet, taking supplements, reducing stress, journaling, improving sleep quality and quantity; read and study to learn about this disease and what you can do to get well; keep up with doctor’s appointments, tests and treatments and ask questions; start watching survivor videos, listening to podcasts, reading cancer survivor books and other inspirational content. All this can bring back a sense of control and a new purpose – to SURVIVE and THRIVE!
FIND A GOOD THERAPIST TO TALK TO – A therapist allows you to really share your deepest feelings and fears without judgement and can help you find new ways to reframe your thinking and other techniques to help when emotions get out of control. There is no shame in seeking outside help from a professional. It can make a world of difference to talk to someone instead of stoically hiding how you really feel or worse, bottling it all up and building up resentment towards others. In today’s day and age there are so many therapists that you can meet with virtually so you don’t even have to leave your home if you don’t want to. This is great if you are in pain or tired.
FOCUS ON THE THINGS YOU CAN CONTROL – It is so important to try to stay in the present moment and focus only on the things you have control over and let go of things you can’t control. Please don’t dwell on the past and beat yourself up for poor choices, it leads to depression. Don’t look too far into the future, worrying about what might happen, it creates anxiety. The first step is to stop and focus on your breath. I suggest a breathing exercise, inhaling for a count of 4, holding your breath for 4, then exhaling for a count of 8. By doing this a few times, you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms you down. Once you are calmed down, make a list of things you can control. My therapist always brings me back to this when I feel overwhelmed and my mind is racing and I can’t calm down. First breathe, then think about what you have control over and only work on that and let go of the rest. Sometimes taking one simple action step can motivate you to keep going. Just do one thing each day from your list if you have to, it works!
JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP – Joining a support group of other women who are going through the same cancer journey as you is an invaluable resource. It’s best if you can actually meet virtually or in person on a regular basis vs. a Facebook group. A support group like this will provide compassion, connection and understanding. You will also learn through other’s experiences what they did to get through treatments and difficult times. Sharing tips, resources, recipes, ideas, uplifting stories and more can really help you along the path and keep you motivated to keep going.
CONSIDER GETTING A PET IF YOU DON’T HAVE ONE – I know it can seem overwhelming to care for a pet when you can barely care for yourself at times, but pets can provide so much. It is scientifically proven how pets can help you live a longer, healthier, happier life! A pet provides unconditional love and brings joy. It is very comforting and calming to pet an animal, which is why they bring them to nursing homes and children’s hospitals. Even fish can be very calming to watch and care for. Here are some of the health benefits of owing a pet. Read More
FINAL THOUGHTS
Cancer doesn’t have to be a death sentence. You are not a statistic and you are not a victim.
A diagnosis is a message. Our bodies are always telling us what we need, but we often ignore these messages or don’t recognize them. Cancer may actually be the body’s way of attempting to restore itself. The body did not develop a mechanism to harm or destroy itself. It’s rushing to build up new tissues and repair itself, but it lacks important nutrients, oxygen and maybe even LOVE.
Take this time to really reflect and realign with your true self and examine all the areas of your life that may be out of balance, like your thoughts and emotions, habits, diet, environment and relationships. Let go of guilt.
You are not at war with your body. Start to choose to love yourself and your body again and take care of it to nurture it back to health for that is what your body really wants and is trying to tell you.
Many women, myself included, have found their cancer diagnosis turned out to be a blessing in the long run. So don’t give up. One day you may be sharing your story to inspire and help others along the way.
ONE THING YOU CAN DO TODAY TO CONTINUE ON YOUR HEALING JOURNEY
Today, I want to encourage you to do one simple thing. I know it might seem weird or for some it may be difficult, but it’s important, so please do this.
Go to a mirror, look at your body and deep into your own eyes and say “I love you.”
You can do this. You are a survivor.
Hugs and blessings as you move forward on your path.
